Happy May (I miss you Grandpa)
I’m not even going to start about how time is going by way too fast. Its blowing my mind and I could rant on for ages about it.
But I will marvel at the beautiful blue skies and wonderful clouds that have been showing off around here.
I’ll also complain a little about the 20+ (not an exaggeration) bug bites all over my arms. I’m not sure what got me, but it go me good.
But, back to May. May has always been in my opinion the best month of the year, school ended, the days got warm, it was my grandpa’s birthday and best of all My birthday!! And well honestly I’m a little apprehensive about May this year.
Even though the skies are SO blue I can’t help but think that my Grandpa doesn’t get to enjoy them with me.
I don’t get to sit on the porch with him and just enjoy the warmth. I don’t get to take a picture all dressed up with him.
I don’t get to sing him happy birthday and hug his neck and eat cake with him.
I don’t get to rejoice in school ending and having him wake me up in the mornings and sit with him for his morning coffee.
And school ending means I don’t get to see my roommates who have become my morning sunshine these days.
school ending means I have a lot of time to think about and miss grandpa more.
Because summers were always my favorite time with Grandpa.
And May means I am turning twenty, and Grandpa won’t be there, he won’t sing me happy birthday or our other song.
It means that I’m no longer a teenager and Grandpa doesn’t get to ask me “So, do you feel older?” after I blow out the candles.
And realizing he won’t sing happy birthday ever again means so much more.
It means I won’t hear “Oh please don’t go back to school just stay here with us” anymore when I come back for a weekend.
It means I won’t get a kiss on the cheek or a hand squeeze. It means he won’t complain about how grown up I look in ant fancy dresses.
It means that when I get married he won’t be there with his warm smile and hug tearing up because I am no longer a little girl.
It means the one man who always loved me unconditionally from my birth isn’t a live and it means I am heart broken.
It means May is going to be really freaking hard this year, and probably every year for the rest of my life because the man I loved most is not here anymore. And I loved him more than anyone else on this planet ever did. He was my hero, my shining star.
But it also means that he’d be very upset with me if I don’t enjoy May, because it was our month, so I’ll eat extra cake and cap strawberries and sweeten them with sugar , and sit on the porch, and walk Lucy, and put on the fancy dresses and smiles because It reminds me of the first man to ever have my heart.
I miss you Grandpa.
– Your Precious Angel.