Journal Day V3: Change

by shelbyisrad

The lovely Danielle shared a touching journal for the prompt she created

If you had a free pass to go back and change anything in your past, with the promise that it would only affect you positively, would you do it? And if so, what would you change?”

First make sure to open this link in another tab so you can read hers.

Then go ahead and read mine…

If I could change anything in my past its no doubt in my mind what I would change. Some don’t know but I have a younger sister and brother who I have not seen in 10 years, I have not been able to hug them or smile at them, I have missed 20 birthdays, 20 Christmases, many first days of school, and so many other things.
The circumstances leaded up to our split are not pretty and I won’t go into detail but to sum it up in one weeks time I went from being one of four, the second child, the older sister, to being one of two, the little sister. I never thought getting in that car would mean I would spend the rest of my life without my Emmy or Ben. I had no idea that at 10 years old when I solemnly climbed into that car with my older brother, mom and grandparents and said bye to Emily and Benjamin and their father that I would completely miss so much of their lives.

If I could I would have run to my sister and brother, grabbed them by the hand and piled them in the car with me and never let go. I cannot put into words the pain that crushes my heart when I think of all I missed, in fact their father wouldn’t even let us speak until my 8th grade year nearly 3 years later. That first time we spoke Emily and I simply bawled on the phone saying “I love you” and “I miss you” between tears and sniffles. Oh how I wish I could’ve done something to keep us together, I wish I could’ve been there as my sister grew up. To guide her, give her advice and tell her how completely amazing she is. That she is smart and strong and could do anything she wanted. I wish I could’ve done all those things for my Ben too.

One thing I have learned from our lives being separated is to always treasure your family, nothing hurts my heart more than to see brothers and sisters be awful to each other. I just want to grab them and scream “TREASURE THEM!” Because nothing is worse than losing them, nothing hurts more than being torn away from your own flesh and blood. And I pray that one day I will be able to hug their necks and look into their beautiful eyes again.
And I beg of you to please please tell your siblings you love them, to hug them extra tight and if you get annoyed with them love on them anyway and remember you’re not promised forever with them.

 

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