hmmm

by shelbyisrad

When i twice typed ‘wordpress’ when i meant to type ‘google’ into the URL box on my computer I sighed and thought “OKAY I will blog my weird feelings and frustartions” So that’s what this blog is. Its me sighing and saying okay and just getting all my words and thoughts out.

The first one is the feeling of ‘Am I going to be alone forever?’ I’m going to go ahead and say I KNOW I haven’t been single long, and I’m SUPER okay with being single. I’ve been having  fun and enjoying it, but I swear EVERYONE is having babies and getting engaged and married and its making me feel all anxious and squirmy. I kind of want to tell everyone to take a chill pill with all the huge life changes. But at the same time I don’t because I am so crazy excited for all that love being poured into this world. All the babies being created, all the upcoming marriagesl they are incredible, beautiful things and I am beyond excited for all of them. But it kinda scares the hell out of me.

And that leads to my second thing, I’ve been feeling stuck lately. I’ve felt stuck, uncertain, and freaked about the future. I have a few semesters left as an undergrad and need to decide what the heck I’m going to do next, there are a million possibilities and I would like at least one teeny tiny glimpse into what’s next because I have no freaking idea. This also scares me a lot.

I’ve also been having a weird feeling of not belonging or ‘fitting in’ 100% where I am. I think its part 99% of my closest friends are scattered all over, part a good portion of my friends are doing grown up things like getting engaged and having babies, and part I am craving change. A change of pace, scenery, SOMETHING. I just want something to change.

I also want to stop being so afraid of all this crap and just embrace life and wiggle down into this place I’m in an get cozy and enjoy the beautiful life I am surrounded by. (I write really long sentences sometimes) But I don’t know how to become un-afraid, because afraid is kind of easy isn’t it? Being afraid is safe.

I’m tired of safe.

 

 

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pics all random self-portraits from the ipod this past week.

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