Moments of realization

by shelbyisrad

In my searching for self discovery and figuring me out, I’ve had these moments of “Oh, that’s why I do/say/am like that. That makes sense.” I’ve documented a few in my journal and am becoming more mindful of them. It does my soul good to have these realizations.

Like how much the Olympian’s parents cheering for them makes my heart ache and my eyes tear up. {I never saw my biological parents cheer me on in anything}

How blessed I am to have gotten out of the childhood situation I was in, and spent the last half of my life with my grandma. {Found a mugshot of my childhood best friend on the internet, and her home life was more stable than mine}

At 21 I’ve been often told I am wise beyond my years. {It’s because I grew up when I was still so young, and I’m on a constant search to figure myself out}

How the one major insecurity I have has greatly affected many relationships. {My heart was absolutely crushed by a guy. I’m learning to let people in again}

That even though I’m rarely the one to ‘make the first move’ in any relationships, as I’m learning more about myself I am gaining boldness. {I’ve been less afraid in my requests. though I usually have a moment of freaking out even when being bold}

Even though I’ve been let down and many times abandoned by my mother. I will always have a fierce, deep love for her. {Mother-daughter relationships are complicated}

All of these basically have been teaching me that life is hard, and complicated and confusing. But the people around me, the things they do/say to me, must not determine my choices and who I become. My boldness, strength and ability to move past fear/hurts/disappointments are the things that will grow me. And these realizations, the naming of them, will fuel that growth.