I’ve written four blog posts in the past few days and not published any of them. (I stopped doing the may challenge, just don’t have the motivation to do it right now and I’m okay with that). Those four blog posts are full of all the confusing emotions I’ve been experiencing lately, and there has been a LOT going on. I still can’t figure it all out, what I want to share, or if I want to share anything.
The best way to even describe it is to tell you a few things, bullet list style cause that’s easier.
- I avoided every single mother’s day theme blog post in my reader.
- I woke up nauseous Sunday morning just at the thought of it being Mother’s Day. I almost didn’t go to church because I knew it’d be a tribute to Mom’s — I cried the entire service. I wanted to cry after but I dried my eyes and put on a smile. At the end of the day I still wanted to forget about the whole day.
- I’m so confused about other relationships, I spewed it all to my Uncle. I’ve never once talked to him about that stuff before.
- I almost threw up twice from crying so hard over all the stuff going on since last week.
- I have chosen sleep more than once over hanging out with people lately.
- I’ve been having really bad nightmares, which are all triggered by stress, and symptoms of PTSD from the abuse I suffered as a kid and its really freaking frustrating. I just want peace at night. I’ve been sleeping so much in the day partially because I am worried about nightmares at night.
Thats it in a nutshell, but not really delving into it all. I don’t know what to do with it. I’ve been praying, and writing and I guess sometimes stuff just kinda sucks. I know it’ll pass, and I’m ready for it to go. And I think I need more beach trips and iced coffee and time spent with friends. So I’m gonna do those things. and if things still suck I’ll try to adjust and just make it through.