I broke his heart, but I honored mine.
I never thought I’d be writing something like this again. Almost two years ago I ended a long-term relationship I knew wasn’t right for me. It was so hard, and I hated doing it, i hated hurting someone I truly cared about and I told myself I wouldn’t go through that again. But sometimes our-selves don’t listen very well.
And this evening I did it again, I ended a relationship. I hurt a man who I cared very much about. In fact, the fact that I was still in love with him was one of the reasons I ended it with the last guy. But I knew, as much as it hurt that it just wasn’t right for me right now. I wasn’t happy. Not that he even did anything wrong it just wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t amazing like I dreamed of our relationship being. Part of that was me, I was not as invested, I was hesitant. I said yes when he asked me to be his girlfriend because I thought a title would fix my doubts. But it didn’t.
And so with shaking hands and a cracking voice I did what I knew in my heart of hearts I needed to do. and through the grace of God he was kind about it and tried to understand. We will remain friends because we have a very strong friendship. I don’t know what or who God has planned for me. But in this season I knew that I needed to stand on my own two feet. I need to figure out exactly who I am, what I want in life and what my next step is as I finish up this chapter of my life in Undergrad.
I am holding onto hope, I am nursing my sad heart, and most of all I am reveling in the peace I feel straight from God and the love I am enveloped in from the incredible people in my life. This was truly and act of self-love for me, it was me taking care of myself and some may say thats selfish but maybe self-love is selfish. But i think it makes me a better strong person.