Loneliness and Throwing Away the Vodka Bottle
by shelbyisrad
Maybe it’s just me, but fall feels like the loneliest season. Actually that sounds so damn cliche, I know it’s not just me. Fall is the season of pumpkin patches, cozy flannels, and warming your hands around a coffee cup. And man if it doesn’t feel so much better holding hands with a cute boy through the pumpkin patch, snagging his flannel to get cozy in and sipping coffee together. Together, that what it is… fall calls for togetherness and sometimes you’re just sitting by yourself, wearing your favorite old sweater, sipping your coffee alone and sighing at the pictures of the cute couples in the dang pumpkin patch on instagram. And it’s just really, really lonely.
But there’s something different about my loneliness this year. Maybe because it feels like I chose this loneliness. I could be in a relationship if I really wanted to. I could’ve stayed in that routine I was in, of not feeling 100% happy with my life, but hey at least I had someone to hold my hand. I could’ve picked up a new routine with a new boy since deciding to step away from the last one. I’ve had offers, I’ve been taken out to dinner. I’ve put on a pretty skirt to go out with the nice guy to a lovely dinner and I still have felt loneliness. And I think feeling lonely in a relationship is even worse than just being lonely on the couch by myself.
So maybe this part of my life isn’t a lesson on loneliness, but learning to love loneliness (or at least be okay with it and stop giving loneliness the death glare). Maybe this is a lesson on learning to enjoy being myself alone, not defined by my relationship to another person. Or maybe it’s just a lesson to hide their posts in your newsfeed, get rid of that bottle of vodka (or whatever you’re still holding on to) he gave you as a gift that makes you sigh every time you see it in the freezer, to put on your favorite dress and go love the world and all its perfect loneliness.
Shelbyisrad 
oh how i adore this. oh how i adore YOU.
Oh i adore you tooo. ❤
It seems to be more of a feeling of solitude in your life right now. You should check out the book “Quirkyalone” by Sasha Cagen because it expands much more on the concept of being “alone” and being satisfied.
Learning to love loneliness. Learning to love who we ARE without other people. That’s a beautiful love.
I get this simply because I am here. More than just the not having a cute boy to hold hands with but the being lonely. It’s far different to have our Vox’s and our text’s but when you really want someone to get in bed next to you and there is no one to do that I believe that’s when (or at least I am desperately trying to convince myself) we are supposed to be in a place without people with skin on around us.
Where it is, you and Him and the quiet. Words or no words. Tears or yelling or worship.
Wherever you are at in your loneliness remember this, He was there before you.
I LOVE you with big time love 🙂
I remember these feelings so much. I didn’t meet my guy until I was 36 and spent oh so many lonely moments. But, like you, I found times of peace with my loneliness, moments when I could be really happy with togetherness just with me. Wishing you much courage as you face this hard thing head on and find yourself most wonderful company.